


Breath

by Bea_the_Bee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Night Terrors, Panic Attacks, you may not want to read if you have anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 16:23:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6383788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bea_the_Bee/pseuds/Bea_the_Bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave wasn't the one who broke down. It was always Karkat. <br/>He should've seen this coming. It was bound to happen.<br/>Sooner or later Dave would've had to break down; after all, he was only human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, i haven't written in a while. This felt nice, though it kind of made me anxious as well. . .  
> oops.  
> WARNING:  
> DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY RILED UP / HAVE ANXIETY AND ARE EASILY INFLUENCED BY WHAT YOU READ OR SEE  
> i don't want to cause anyone to have a panic attack so please, please, be careful when reading this

    He was bawling into his knees. His fists were clenched so tightly they were turning white and his already prominent veins stuck out from his skin almost unnaturally. He was shaking and shivering, crying out and sobbing in ways that made his entire frame shiver and shake with the convulsions. His arms were trembling just the slightest bit and for once you had no idea who this person was.

    Any other times you knew.

    You knew him when he was the stoic prick; around others, concealing his feelings, hiding behind those sunglass barriers. You knew him when he was the sweet, loving boyfriend; behind closed doors, kissing you sweetly on the nose and forehead, watching your favorite movies that he hated just to get the chance to curl up with you. You knew him when he was the sleepy, tired fool who wouldn’t let himself go to bed without you there to protect him. You knew him when he was the comforting one, whenever you were the one to break down in hysterics; he would comfort you, soothe you, speak calmly and softly into your ears until your breathing steadied and he’d offer to come with you to take a nap.

    But now, you did not know this boy.

    His hair was greasy with sweat and he’d run his fingers through it every now and then, sending the whole thing into a disarrayed mess. His shades were tossed to who knows where and just the sight of his ruby red eyes – the color you’d long since learned to love and adore – filling to the brim with insanely clear tears was enough to make you want to cry as well.

    His knees were up to his chest now and he was leaning against the arm rest of the couch you two inhabited most of the time when you weren’t in either one of your rooms. He was curled up so tightly and so stiffly it almost looked like he was trying to shrink away into nothingness.

 _What even happened to make him act like this?_ You asked yourself, confused and worried at the same time. As far as you knew, just a few minutes ago you two were curled up together and watching movies. You must have drifted off at some point because next thing you knew; you were waking up to the sound of hyperventilating.

    “Dave?” You asked quietly, leaning towards him.

    His chest still lifted up and down in a rapid and frankly unhealthy way. But his eyes turned and trained on you, wide and terrified.

    “Dave, sweetie, what’s wrong?” you tried to get him to respond, concern and pity making your chest ache painfully.

    He just shook his head and trained his eyes on the far away wall, slowly lifting his hands up to cover his ears. He rested his elbows on his knees and the whole thing made him look like he was trying to hole himself up in the fetal position.

    You crawled across the couch cushion still separating you two and gently placed your hand over his. He flinched like you’d just cut him and darted his eyes back over to you, somehow breathing even more shallowly. There was no way he was getting enough air breathing like a fish out of water. Fear slowly sunk into your chest when you realized that he could pass out if there wasn’t enough oxygen in his body. You had to calm him down – now.

    “Dave, Dave, look at me. Look into my eyes, okay? Okay? You’re okay, you’re okay, shh. . .” you whispered to him as calmly as you could. While you tried to put on a collected fee, you couldn’t deny the fact that this whole situation was freaking you out.

    “See? You’re fine Dave, you’re doing okay. Keep looking into my eyes.” you cooed earnestly. You placed your hand over his again. This time, he didn’t jump back. “Can you remove your hands for me? Come on, I’ll let you hold mine. That’s it, that’s it, c’mon, you’re doing great.” You encouraged him as he slowly peeled his hands away from his ears.

    “See, there you go, you can hold mine now.” You smiled softly despite wanting to yelp at how tightly Dave had latched both of his hands onto yours. His breathing seemed to slow down a bit, but still not to the point where it was considered normal. “You’re okay Dave, keep looking at me. You’re doing amazingly.” You smiled warmly at him, hoping it would help calm him down.

    It took a significant amount of effort and talking to get him to put his feet back on the floor. Almost every time you coaxed him into doing something you added the term “you’re okay” or “you’re going to be fine” or “everything’s okay now.” You don’t even know why, it just felt like the best thing to do. And it seemed to be working; he wasn’t sobbing now so much as softly weeping.

    As soon as his knees were removed from his chest you were tugged into his lap where he held you tightly to him, his arms wrapped firmly around your waist and his ear pressed against your chest. At first alarmed, you took this as an opportunity to calm him the rest of the way down.

    Using one of your hands to rub and gently scratch his back and the other to tame the wild mane he’d made his hair into, you started softly shushing him. Always whispering that everything’s okay in his ear.

    What was continually scaring you was the fact that Dave’s breathing _still_ hadn’t evened out. He still continued to shake with every shuddery breath.

    An idea struck you.

    “Hey, Dave. I need you to calm down, okay? So I’m going to breath with you. Can you do that with me? Can you try and breath with me?”

    You felt his head move up and down just the slightest bit.

    “Okay, good. Okay, here, I’ll tap out the beats on your back.” You moved your fingers to his spine and softly tapped a steady beat, loudly sucking in air for four, holding it with him for four, and loudly pushing it out for four.

    It took him a while to notice the pattern, but eventually he was breathing with you. You smiled as relief washed over you; he wasn’t going to pass out.

    There were a few long moments of silence where you just kept breathing together while you gently pet his hair.

    Surprisingly, he was the first one to break it.

    “K-Karkat?” he choked out. Tears were still pouring from his eyes, even if you had managed to miraculously calm him down, and you were certain they had stained your sweater. It didn’t matter though, because apparently, he’d been needing this.

    “Yes Dave?” You asked calmly.

    “’M sorry about all of this. . .” he mumbled out, fully hiding his face in your chest.

    “Aw, Dave, don’t be sorry.” You leaned back on his lap and looked at him, holding him by his cheeks to make sure he actually looked back at you. “You couldn’t have helped this.” You brushed your fingers over his cheek bone, smearing a few of his tears into his skin.

    “Yes, I could’ve. If I hadn’t been so stupid and gotten so riled up over nothing. . .” he broke his gaze with you and murmured this into his shirt.

    “Oh please.” You sighed, petting his hair once more. “You’re not stupid. And I’m sure if it got you this badly shaken up, it can’t be a “nothing.” If it made me worry about you, it’s not a “nothing.” If it made you of all people need comforting it cannot be a “nothing.”” You drove your point home by kissing his forehead.

    “Won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” you asked gently.

There was a long stretch of silence that passed over the two of you, and you almost regretted asking the question before he heaved out a long sigh and began to speak.

    “I had a nightmare. . .”

    You nodded, urging him to go on while you scooted closer again, figuring this would all be easier if he didn’t have to look you in the face.

    “In it. . . uhm.” He buried his nose in your shoulder and nuzzled it. “In it, all of you guys died.”

    He paused again.

    “Whoo, uh, yeah.” He exhaled, trying to find his words. He gulped before continuing. “Uhm. . . John died, Jade died, R-Rose and Kanaya and TZ the fuckin Mayor, man.” He’d started to choke up and cry at the mention of the Mayor. You started to scratch his back again, hoping that actually talking it out was a good idea. “The fuckin’ Mayor was caught by Jack and God, just seeing him there, lying on the ground all-” he interrupted himself with a heart shattering sob.

    “And then you were there.” The hands that he still kept firmly around your waist tightened ever so slightly. “And God, I just couldn’t handle it, you were gone, you were dead, you were the only one left and you died and you left me all alone, please please please don’t leave me alone Karkat I can’t lose you I can’t I can’t I need you please don’t leave me Karkat, please!” he’d started babbling and sobbing and pleading you, tears spilling from his eyes faster than before.

    You were quick to comfort him though.

    “Shh, sh sh sh sh sh, it’s okay, Dave look at me, look at me, look. I’m here. I’m okay, we’re alive. I’m here. The Mayor is here, Terezi is here, Rose and Kanaya are safe and okay and John and Jade are going to meet us soon. Okay? Everybody’s safe, Dave, everybody’s okay and here and alive and safe.” You soothed him.

    “You’re gonna die someday.” He whimpered out over your shoulder.

    “Yeah.” Was all you could respond with.

    “And Kanaya and Terezi are gonna die someday too.” He stated.

    “Yes, someday.” You pulled back a bit again and stared him straight in the eyes. “But look at me. Right now, I’m not dying. I’m not going to die now, or in the next minute, or the next hour. I’m not going to leave you just yet. I’m here, and you’re here and the future doesn’t matter because all that we need is right now.” You whispered.

    He bit his lip and nodded, smiling the tiniest bit.

    “I human-love you.” You said loudly, leaning your forehead against his with a giggle.

    “And I troll-love you.” He responded, smiling sadly and closed the distance between your lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it may seem like it, but i in no way mean this as a way of romanticizing anxiety. I myself have it and trust me, it's nothing to be swooning over. This was actually inspired by a really really bad anxiety attack my little sister had. The stuff that Karkat was saying was similar to what I was saying to her.   
> Listen;   
> anxiety sucks. It's terrible and awful and it makes your heart race fast and your brain get all fuzzy and irrational and most of the time it feels like there's no way to get out of it. But having somebody there to comfort you can really help and even build up trust in a relationship. That's what I had intended here, not romanticizing it.  
> Anxiety and Panic attacks fuckin' suck, guys.   
> Don't ever make them seem all magical and cute or whatever.


End file.
